Reviews

Super refreshing, tastes close to the real thing — just watch the sugar.

Tastes nice, but totally forgettable — and expensive to boot.

An overwhelming, unfocused mess of a flavor profile — expensive, too, despite the pretty bottle.

A really good porter with the right body and a nutty porter taste.

Really tasty, but in a "top-shelf soda" way, not a luxury-cocktail way — plus a lot of sugar and an opaque ingredient list.

Not terrible, not amazing, and kind of a lot of sugar.

Freaking delicious if you already liked Amaro — like Amaro with a slight note of cola.

A super tasty jack-and-coke stand-in, just not special enough — and a lot of sugar (17g).

Spicy and yummy on its own terms — a good dry vermouth replacement, if a little sweet.

An excellent sweet vermouth substitute — just quite high in sugar.

More sugar than expected, but a nice bitter, refreshing flavor that reads as "a thing."

The house favorite bitters for a quick bitters-and-soda.

Pretty good, though a slightly thick mouthfeel keeps it out of favorite territory.

Fine, but thick-feeling and flat-sweet — worth noting blondes were never a personal favorite style to begin with.

Nice over ice in an aperitif glass, or spritzed with soda.

Had high hopes, but it really just tastes like pomegranate juice — tasty, not very cocktaily.

Spicy enough to make even a rough fake tequila almost palatable when mixed.

Drinks like a soda, not a mocktail or a beer — but a quite tasty one.

Nasty solo, and a genuinely hard pair even for mocktails — eventually poured down the drain for good.

Good for pouring into a wine glass at a party — a little too sweet and syrupy to be a favorite, though not too sugary on paper.

Freaking delicious — tastes exactly like it sounds.

Not rum, but it has real potential — one of the few NA spirits with actual bite.

Fantastic taste and body — tastes a lot like a Negra Modelo.

The "aromatic" version is better, but this classic dry one is fine too — just very bitter.

A really great prosecco replacement — nice bubbles, not too sweet.

Tasty enough, but the fruity-beer trend just doesn't scratch an itch here.

Like an Aperol spritz in a can, but a bit more soda-y.

A darn good approximation of a cosmo — a few drops of Bitter Tears' "Kiki" bitters adds bite without changing the flavor much.

The spicy pineapple one is good; the rest are hit and miss and collectively very juice-forward.

Really excellent Pilsner — can be hard to find, and watch out for the full-alcohol version of the same name.

A ginger mixer with real bite, standing in for a Dark 'n' Stormy — just sugary.

Good flavor, but the body isn't there — more like burnt barley soda than a real porter experience.

You have to like grapefruit essence in your beer, but if you do, this is fantastic.

Another winner from Parch — a delightful, complex citrus, less smoky than their Piñarita.

Genuinely likeable, but hard to categorize and spoils fast once opened.

Fantastic taste for a dark lager fan, though the body is ever so slightly light.

A bit on the sugary side, but refreshing and nice in a wine glass at a party.

Bordering on too sweet, but refreshing and nice in a wine glass at a party.

Surprisingly good, even for someone who doesn't generally like fruity beers.

A pretty bitter slow sipper, nice over ice in a rocks glass at night.

This is gross.

Get creative mixing these with soda water.

A really nice lower-sugar strawberry botanical soda.

Really hoppy and tasty — and the can looks hella cool, too.

Slightly better than other NA gins, with a nice peppery bite — but Monday and Ish gins are still better.

None of the NA gins are truly good, but this is the closest — makes a nice-ish martini shaken with a lemon twist.

A very convincing rendition of a gin and tonic.

Tasty, but this reads as a lower-sugar adult soda, not a drink-time substitute.

A nice refreshing beer for a hot day — not much flavor, but not meant to be.

Green tea, verjus, and botanicals — a nice sparkling white-wine replacement that isn't trying to taste like wine.

Not quite the body of the real thing, but damn close — tasty and convincing.

If you like hazy IPAs, this is pretty good.

A good example of its kind, but hazy and fruity beers just aren't a personal favorite style.

Good taste but no body — a hop-water experience, not a beer experience.

Not everything can be a winner.

Delicious, hoppy, and refreshing — none of the syrupy mouthfeel most NA beers have.

A bit much to drink solo, but a genuinely good building block for mocktails.

Also likeable, also hard to categorize, also spoils quickly.

Delicious with a decent body — a rare NA beer that doesn't feel thin.

An extremely convincing near beer — almost completely fills the void.

Very tasty, but again this is a lower-sugar adult soda, not a drink-time substitute.

It's everywhere, but it's one of the worse fake bourbons on the shelf.

Tasty enough, but doesn't taste particularly grownup — adding Monday "mezcal" didn't help.

A calm, smoky bedtime drink with adaptogens — lower sugar thanks to stevia.

A convincing daiquiri from a brand that keeps winning — no idea how they do it.

Bills itself as an NA margarita, but reads more like an interesting zero-calorie soda.

Fine enough, but not great, and not worth the sugar.

The best of the fake mezcals — but only worth it if you liked real mezcal to begin with.

Really tasty, but literally flat — worth trying again in case it was just a bad six-pack.

Tasty and low sugar, with an unusual mushroom-and-monk-fruit edge that won't be for everyone.

Nasty — had to pour it down the drain.

Fine, but not fantastic.

The best premixed NA Negroni tried so far — better than DIY versions built from separate NA spirits.

A little witchy to drink alone; might work as a mocktail ingredient, but the ideal recipe hasn't turned up yet, and it spoils fast.

Doesn't try to taste like wine, but fills the same emotional and practical role — and it's not too sweet.

A white-wine stand-in that isn't trying to mimic wine — delicious and low sugar.

A red-wine stand-in that isn't trying to mimic wine — delicious and low sugar.

A fine enough Campari substitute in a pinch, but weak-bodied — the Abstinence Blood Orange Bittersweet does it better.

This stuff sucks — but it's an early mover, so it's what most bars pour by default.

Probably the best NA "gin" out there — robust and heavy on the juniper.

Basically tastes like grape juice — not a very interesting flavor.

Tastes like a grownup highball drink, not just a soda — low in sugar, though highballs just aren't a personal favorite.

A good, lightly sparkling rosé that's not too sweet — nothing to feel embarrassed bringing to a party.

Super delicious and Campari-adjacent, best in a spritzer — a slightly off smell is the only real drawback.

Also delicious — Partake winning again.

Meant to imitate a fruity beer, but drinks more like a genuinely tasty soda.

Kind of a lot of sugar, but it really tastes like a Negroni.

Not wine and not pretending to be — but occupies the same space at the table.

Tastes fine, and the real appeal is that it's not overly sugary, not too sweet, and relatively low calorie.

Easy to imagine someone else liking this — just wasn't a personal fit.

Nice hoppy taste, decent body — easy to forget it has no alcohol.

Kind of meh on its own — might be an interesting mocktail ingredient, but no recipe found yet.

Good stuff, a little heavier than an actual Mexican lager — probably improved with lime.

Not wine and not pretending to be — but occupies the same space at the table.

Just gross.

An extremely convincing near beer — almost easy to forget it doesn't have alcohol.

A nice, complex taste that doesn't map to any specific cocktail — cold, straight from the can into a cocktail-up glass is the move.

Their brut is awesome, but this sauvignon blanc sucks.

The default answer behind most bars' mocktail menus — better used to slow down a low-ABV cocktail than as a true zero-alcohol substitute.

Also tasty in a rocks glass at night.

Comes in a full champagne-style bottle, feels more festive than cans — a winner, and relatively low sugar.

Refreshing and not too sweet.

Works fine, though the Sovi rosé is better.

A good low-sugar stand-in for a light wine when one would otherwise be called for.

Low in sugar and tastes convincing — not just grape juice.

Smoky and spicy, feels like more than a soda — a real find for mezcal fans.

A nice premixed Aperol-spritz-like thing.

A genuinely great standalone spirit with a nice citrus/smoky/spicy balance — huge mocktail potential, still looking for its perfect recipe.

A nice, complex, just-right-spicy flavor — probably a great mocktail ingredient.

Especially nasty, even by fake-tequila standards.

Expected to love this one — it's actually nasty.

An interesting flavor that doesn't quite land solo, but has potential as a mocktail ingredient.

Marketed as an NA coffee beer, drinks more like a very tasty coffee soda.

Tastes and feels almost indistinguishable from the real thing — easily the favorite NA beer here.

Unlike their rum and coke, this is gross and tastes like soap.

A pretty good approximation of a rum and coke.

Light, refreshing, and pretty beer-like — just a little short of perfect.

You won't mistake it for real beer, but it's not bad.

Nice hoppy taste but basically no body — closer to a hop-water seltzer than a beer.

You won't mistake it for the real thing, but it's decently close.

Slightly better than other fake whiskeys, but only slightly.

Probably the best dealcoholized red wine tried so far, but still not quite favorite-tier.

Doesn't taste like a Moscow Mule, but it is a tasty grownup soda.

Not fantastic, but not too bad either.

Good flavor, but a hella syrupy mouthfeel makes it hard to recommend.